I've been putting this one off for a bit because I'm struggling with what to say. You told me on June 1 that you identify as non-binary. I'll be honest, it threw me for a loop. I had no idea and I was disappointed that you hadn't talked to me about it before because you said you'd been thinking it for about a year.
Your dad and I have always been supporters of the gay community. We've voted when voting FOR gay marriage in Texas was a complete waste of time, but we wanted our voices heard. You said you like both genders and I'm 100% fine with that. I legitimately didn't even have to think twice about saying okay great, I love you and want you to find joy, happiness and love in life. What I'm having more trouble with is accepting that I no longer have a daughter. Using gender neutral pronouns. Thinking of you as a "nothing" when my brain is so wired to categorize everything. I don't say this to be hurtful, I've talked to you about how contradictory all of this is to my brain. Even violating subject/verb agreement rules to refer to a singular human as a plural entity. Mind blown. And not in a good way. If you ever end up with OCD tendencies, you'll get it. If not, you'll have to trust that we all have our own things that are difficult to rectify in our brains and mine is a need to categorize everything in the appropriate bucket in the database that is my mind.
You also said you wanted your non-binary name to be Glitch and in no way can I fathom calling you something that literally means a mistake. So that one is still up for discussion, but I literally cannot think of you as a non-entity mistake. Because like it or not, you spent 11 years being my Beautiful Girl and while we butt heads on many things (mostly your lack of motivation to do anything except jack around on your phone or watch TV), you are not a mistake or an error.
Part of me thinks this is garbage your cousin has put in your head. And part of me thinks that you're so young and at a very volatile time in your life. I'm not saying I think these things are phases, I just think YOU are in a phase of your life where you transition from being a kid to something else, not necessarily an adult, but definitely not still a kid. Your thoughts, feelings, body, EVERYTHING are different now. And I don't want you to box yourself into something that even I have trouble with as an LGBTQ+ ally. God knows what these militant Republican Texans will say or do to you. So for your own safety, I'm hoping that you do continue to think, process, explore and be open to what you discover. I'll always love you no matter what (you know the exception and it will never happen because you're way too smart to ever follow Trump). I just know you're setting yourself up on a difficult path if you decide this is the way for you.
This is a story that will continue and I'll be by your side as it's written.
I love you with all my heart,
Mama
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